Worst Resume Mistakes!

December 29, 2015

 

If finding a job is one of your resolutions for 2016, there are some obvious steps to take and some obvious pitfalls to avoid. We wanted to share a few of the more laughable inclusions on resumes from this list compiled by JobMob:

 

  • Why interested in position: “to keep my parole officer from putting back me in jail.”
     

  • Candidate explained an arrest by stating, “We stole a pig, but it was a really small pig.”
     

  • “Consistently tanked as top sales producer for new accounts.”
     

  • “Skills: Strong Work Ethic, Attention to Detail, Team Player, Self Motivated, Attention to Detail”
     

  • “Planned new corporate facility at $3 million over budget.”
     

  • “Able to say the ABCs backward in under five seconds.”
     

  • “Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”
     

  • “It’s best for employers that I not work with people.”
     

  • “I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.”
     

  • Objective: “I would like to work for a company that is very lax when it comes to tardiness.”
     

  • Education: “Have repeated courses repeatedly.”
     

  • Salary requirements: “The higher the better.”
     

  • References: “Bill, Tom, Eric. But I don’t know their phone numbers.”
     

  • Personal: “I limit important relationships to people who want to do what I want them to do.”
     

  • Objective: “My dream job would be as a professional baseball player, but since I can’t do that, I’ll settle on being an accountant.”
     

  • Job Duties: “Answer phones, file papers, respond to customer e-mails, take odors.”
     

  • Reason for leaving: “I thought the world was coming to an end.”
     

  • “Marital status: often. Children: various.”
     

  • “Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.”

 

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